Generally, coaches make opening statements, then reporters ask questions of the coach and players.
Losing coach, Old Dominion's Blaine Taylor with his best player, forward/center Gerald Lee at his side, followed. Lee had limped to the platform like his ankle was killing him.
Then, business as usual went on -- Taylor's opening statement was an ungracious whine-fest. This time, instead of pointing an accusing finger at the VCU pep band, or the seating arrangement in the hall, or the state of the economy, he complained about officiating. Taylor wished the refs would try to stop favoring guards over big men.
Taylor later revealed that as he had entered the Coliseum, he had endured outrageous taunting. Threats on his trademark mustache had been made by masked yellow and black costumed "thugs wearing horned headdresses that looked like yaks, or maybe goats."
Veteran reporters began filing out of the room. Taylor huffed and puffed out his jowls to postseason proportions. "It's that sicko, the one who was mocking me at the Siegel Center. It's that beefy Pav, ah, Plav-ar-ootti [sic] guy, again. I know he's behind it."
As he batted away a basketball-related question, Taylor shouted, "VCU fans should be investigated!"
Note: It's Mason and VCU in the final game at 7 p.m. Monday (ESPN2). For non-satirical coverage of the CAA's championship tournament at the Fan District Hub click here.