Five More Fears for Goode to Fret About

On live television, admittedly it was only C-SPAN, Rep. Virgil Goode tried to get the news networks to pause their 25-hours-a-day coverage of the riveting Anna Nicole Smith corpse saga, to pay attention to debate on the floor of the House of Representatives over what role America should play in the ongoing Iraqi civil war.

Well, I have to hand it to Goode, he did his best to draw notice to the important debate by revealing a threat to America no one had considered. In so many words Goode asked us all: What if the terrorists take over America and strike “In God We Trust” from the coins and bills we use as legal tender? What if they put “In Moo-hammed We Trust” on the money, instead?

By going further into the realm of absurdity than political comedians Jon Stewart or Bill Maher, Goode tried valiantly to help C-SPAN garner a larger viewing audience. But perhaps Goode was too timid. Maybe he needs to do more to goose the ratings.

To the rescue comes SLANTblog’s list of five more things Goode should say he fears might happen, in order to play to his anti-Islam, KKK-like following and draw attention to the debate.

Five More Fears for Goode to Fret About

1. What if the terrorists seize every print of the 1972 classic movie “The Godfather” and change the title of the film to “The Moo-hammed Father” or “The Allah Papa,” or whatever?

2. What if the terrorists put a suicide bomber in every home in America, to force American children to swear on the Quran their undying loyalty to Moo-Hammed, five times a day?

3. What if a terrorist sneaks into the House of Representatives, by getting himself elected, to swear on the Quran, so he come back later wearing bombs around his waist?

4. What if the terrorists sneak across the Mexican border, wearing stolen sombreros, and go into America’s supermarkets to stock the shelves with poison jars of peanut butter, in order to kill millions of peanut butter and jelly sandwich-eating Christians?

5. What if the terrorists get a hold of the remains of Anna Nicole Smith?

By the way Maher’s “Real Time” show starts back up tonight on HBO. What does the reader think are the chances that Maher is planning to skewer Virgil Goode for sounding like a raving lunatic?

Art by F.T. Rea