The Last Laugh of the Shutdown

Next week’s news today: At a jam-packed press conference an ebullient John Boehner will stand behind a podium to announce that votes on funding the government and raising the debt ceiling will take place later that same day. A slightly sneering Eric Cantor will be at his side.

“Republicans have come through the battle to create more jobs with flying colors,” Boehner will say. “Now many Americans will have work again, in spite of the president’s plan to kill their jobs.”

The two Republican Congressional leaders will brush aside questions about how the two-week-old shutdown will affect the upcoming election in Virginia.

Boehner will thank Barack Obama for relenting on his refusal to give the Republican leaders anything in exchange for a clean continuing resolution and an unconditional increase in the debt ceiling. Prompted by Boehner, Cantor will raise up the genuine Virginia State Fair kewpie doll they will claim the president gave them to seal the deal.

Boehner will say, “No way we could come out of this business empty-handed.”

The snickering in the room will begin to swell.

To grab the spotlight Cantor will say, “You'll see, Republicans will have the last laugh when the Cooch carries Virginia.”