Suffering succotash

President George Bush held a press conference this morning. As yesterday’s bombshell National Intelligence Estimate report stated Iran had halted its nuclear weapons program in 2003, Bush was peppered by questions about what effect the report would have on his policy toward Iran.

The president quickly blew off the notion that his World War III warnings, because of Iran’s supposed refusal to stop making nuclear weapons, were hyperbole. Bush asserted that the NIE report bolstered his resolve and underlined the threat of Iranian WMBs.

“OK, they may have suspended the program, but they did have one and they could start it back up anytime,” the president snickered. “They could then give the know-how to anybody they like. For instance, they could hand over some of that yellowcake to their pal, Osama bin Laden. No telling what he’d do with it, but you know it would involve killing innocent children. Or, they could steal some crop-dusters and drop enriched uranium onto American crops. Can we allow them to poison our butterbeans, our corn?”

It seems the president is fond of succotash.

Again, reporters reminded Bush of the WMDs his administration swore were in Iraq in abundance in 2003, oops! then couldn’t find after the invasion.

The president bristled and shot back: “Maybe those WMD’s were moved to Iran, so Iranian terrorists could blow up a military base or a university in America. What if that happened? Which school should we be willing to lose?”

Bush was asked if he thought his credibility had been damaged by the NIE report’s published findings.

“Only with people who support the mad-bombing terrorists in Iraq and Iran,” Bush chuckled. “What if I say, you’re either on my side or the terrorists’ side? Hey, I think I just did say it.”

Then he winked at somebody and disappeared behind a curtain.

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Update: Please note the satire warning in the masthead.