Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Hitler Debate

By F. T. Rea
(Warning: Read with caution, this piece may contain satire.)

Jerry Kilgore:
Admit it Tim, you routinely defend fiends. For money you stand
with murderers. Why, you’d probably be Adolph Hitler’s lawyer if he was alive today. Failed Mayor Tim Kaine: way too liberal to be trusted to execute Hitler.

Tim Kaine: Jerry, since Hitler would be 116, he’d probably be in a coma with tubes running into his face. His girlfriend, Eva Braun, would be just 93. If she tells the doctor Hitler said he never wanted to be kept alive artificially, would you rush in to the hospital room to insist that Hitler’s feeding tube not be removed? Would you force the taxpayers to pay the bill to keep Adolph Hitler alive?

That’s an absurd hypothetical. But, I’d still set fire to his moustache in a Gate City second.

Kaine: Jerry Kilgore can’t be trusted with Hitler’s moustache, or even his own moustache. What really happened to that failed moustache of yours Jerry?

Kilgore: Liberal Tim Kaine can't even be trusted to keep Hitler alive -- the worst mass-murderer in history -- so I could have him drawn and quartered when he wakes up.

Kaine: So, you'd go medieval on him?

Kilgore: Coddling criminals never works.

Kaine: Speaking of standing with criminals, what about Karl Rove's soon-to-be jailhouse moustache? By the way, why’d he stand you up for dinner the other day?

Kilgore: He called to say he was busy fending off partisan liberal attacks. Actually, Karl had a sassy little blonde moustache in the day. But that has nothing to do with me winning the election because you're against capital punishment for dead dictators.

-- 30 --

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