Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Yankee Doodling at the Tea Party

The main character in this story, which is fiction, is a 33-year-old man who lives in Manassas. He normally works at least 50 hours a week, although he only gets paid for 40 hours. He works in a warehouse-like building full of audio visual equipment, which he delivers to clients who rent it for big trade shows and conventions. He is one of 21 employees at the local branch of an AV rental company that has similar branches in seven other cities along the East Coast. He lives in a two-and-a-half room apartment, not counting the tiny bathroom. He has a satellite dish and watches a lot of sports. He is divorced. He makes good on his monthly child support payments to his ex over half the time; she lives in Ashland and has custody of their seven-year-old daughter. The softhearted ex gives him a hard time, but she lets him get away with it. He smokes about a pack of Camel Filters daily. He drinks a six pack of Bud Light Lime every night.

His name is Josh; he's a Yankee Doodle kind of guy.

The two men who own the company that employs Josh are millionaires, several times over. Josh admires them even though neither seems to know his first name.

Like his successful bosses, Josh considers himself a conservative, when it comes to politics. Also like them, Josh’s two favorite sports teams are the New York Yankees and the Dallas Cowboys.

In the company trucks on the road, in the process of driving AV equipment back and forth, Josh likes to daydream about being a wealthy man. He thinks about what sort of cars and boats he’d have. He thinks about watching Super Bowls from inside private luxury boxes. He thinks about drinking expensive Tequila. He thinks about having a beautiful redheaded secretary who travels with him. He thinks about what cigars he’d smoke. He thinks about wearing a Rolex watch and shoes imported from Italy. He thinks about playing golf on the world’s most famous courses and hobnobbing with the other wealthy men.

Josh can see it all in his mind’s eye.

When he’s not imagining how he’d spend his fortune, Josh listens to talk radio -- politics and sports, mostly. He’s a big fan of Rush Limbaugh and Jim Rome. Although he's not religious, Josh admires televangelist Glenn Beck, even though sometimes it's hard for him to tell what Beck is talking about.

Since Josh adores Sarah Palin, now he is a Tea Party kind of guy, too.

Josh wants the Bush tax cuts for everyone, including multimillionaires, to continue. Not only does he believe in the notion that the super wealthy need tax cuts to create more jobs like his, Josh expects to be a millionaire, himself, one day. Josh doesn’t believe in ivory tower theories like evolution or global warming.

Josh would also be happy to deport every undocumented worker in one day, to create jobs for real Americans. Logistics don't concern him. The next day he would close every mosque in the USA and deport every Muslim who isn't a bona fide American citizen, born in the USA.

Therefore, Josh believes elite-acting President Barack Obama should be removed from office and sent to Kenya.

Josh hates elites almost as much as he hates gay men and unattractive lesbians. This summer he’s happy to see the Republicans stand tall against the liberal Democrats taking any more of his pay check in taxes.

Josh thinks abortion doctors deserve to be imprisoned and tortured. The same goes for socialists. He is in favor of public floggings for trouble-makers who choose not to speak in English.

While all of the above is fiction, it appears there are plenty of Joshes out there. With the debt ceiling crisis looming, they are dwelling on their convenient fantasies, picturing Sarah Palin and yanking their doodles.

So, angry Josh doesn’t believe the consequences of America defaulting on its debts will really be all that bad. After all, he’s had to pay plenty of late charges on his bills and that's hardly going to stand in the way of his becoming a millionaire.

Josh's bottom line: Anything that gets Obama out of the White House and back to Kenya is a good thing.

-- The End --

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