Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Dancing with dogs in dresses must be stopped

Since flag-burning and same-sex marriages aren’t exactly causing any discernible problems yet, as in war, we see that President George “Mission Accomplished” Bush believes in a strategy of preemption, to nip trouble in the bud. Thus the White House wants new amendments on flag-burning and same-sex marriage.

Once the Republicans, and some opportunistic/cowardly Democrats, pass the bills calling for new constitutional amendments to ban burning the American flag as a protest and outlawing same-sex marriages, what’s next? If it really is high time to rewrite the Constitution, itself, to eliminate certain types of annoying speech and lifestyles that make us nervous or gross us out, what should be the next thing to outlaw?

Well, moving along with the same brand of bent logic about using preemption to cure nonexistent problems, there’s always this -- the potential problem of crazy men suddenly putting party dresses on dogs and dancing with them in public places.

If we fail to stop those crazy men from dancing with dogs in dresses, how long would it be before a crazy woman dances publicly with a dog wearing a man's business suit, or -- horrors! -- a lady’s pants suit?

Then what if an even crazier man puts on a dog costume and dances with another man wearing a dog costume, or -- horrors! -- a cat suit?

Then what happens if the whole crazy town puts on dog costumes and they take to the streets to dance? What if one of the dancing dogmen burns a pair of his boxer shorts to protest people lording it over dogs? Whoa! Boxer shorts desecrated in the public way.

Don’t say it hasn’t happened. The point is, it would be an affront to the mainstream of the American way of life if it did. Most people don’t want to have their children see such depravity even once.

What that sort of gender-and-species-bending spectacle could lead to is just anybody’s guess. Dancing with dogs in dresses must be stopped before it gets started. Then, speaking of preemption, there’s…

Update Note: As it says at the top this page, below SLANTblog -- This page may contain satire, so please don't let it scare you.

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