Wednesday, November 09, 2016

The Jellypig

By F.T. Rea

Note from Rebus: The little painting to the right was the third in a series Rea did in 1983 to amuse his mischievous girlfriend. In each of them I got killed off in a different way. In the summer of 1983, it was generally assumed that Rea had quit his job on a sudden whim. In truth, the mysterious process had been anything but sudden. 

In 1997, feeling challenged by F. Scott Fitzgerald's "The Crack-Up," Rea first attempted to write an account of his departure from the Biograph. As it required laying bare some of his troubles with what he calls "melancholia," it wasn't such an easy project to execute. This version of the story was put together in 2007. The weird telephone piece below was made and photographed by Rea in 1983 shortly after he walked away from the Biograph. 



When one divines the presence of a specific person in connection with some unexplained occurrence, without any tangible evidence of their involvement, what real trust should one put in such raw instinct?

How much of a hunch is a flash of extraordinary perception? How much is imagination?

In a high contrast crisis, doubting a hunch could get somebody killed. But in everyday life’s ambiguous gray scale of propriety, how much can anyone afford to put at risk strictly on intuition? Hey, if you shoot a guy based on your gut feeling that he was about to kill someone else, with no corroborative evidence, you’re going to need a good lawyer.

The torturous story of why I left my longtime job as manager of the Biograph Theatre began with a ringing telephone on an Indian Summer afternoon in 1981 that I remember all too well. I put the Sunday newspaper aside to pick up the receiver and said, “Hello.”

There was no reply. At that moment there was no reason to think it was more than a wrong number or a malfunction on the line. Yet, after listening to a creepy silence for half a minute and repeating “hello” a few times, I sensed I knew the person at the other end of the line.

As I hung up that mysterious feeling was replaced by a flicker of a thought that named a specific person. Then the notion faded into a queasy sensation that made me go outside for some fresh air. For an instant I thought I knew something there was no plain way for me to know. Moreover, I didn’t want to know it.

My grandmother had told me a thousand times to never go against a hunch. Had I have discussed it with her she would have said a clear message from what she would have called my “inner voice” should always trump all else.

Instead of seeking her counsel I asked only myself: “Why would that person call me, to hang on the line and say nothing?” It made no sense. So, I tried to study the hunch, to examine its basis.

As I walked toward the closest bar, the Village, I was already caught in an undertow that would eventually carry my spirit far away from everything that had mattered to me.

Now I know that my grandmother understood something I was yet to learn -- a hunch is a bolt from the blue that cannot be gathered and investigated. It can’t be revisited like a conclusion. A true hunch can only be felt once.

Yet, for a number of reasons it was easier for me to view my inconvenient hunch as counterfeit. A few weeks later, by the time the calls had become routine, the whole concept of believing in hunches was on its way to the same place as beliefs in the Tooth Fairy and Heaven. A grown man, a man of reason, needed to rise above all such superstitions.

The caller never spoke. Usually, I hung up right away. Sometimes I’d listen as hard as I could for a while, trying to hear a telltale sound. The reader should note that telephone answering machines, while available then, were not yet cheap. Most people did not have one at this time.


After a haphazard year-and-a-half of one-night stands and such, following the break-up of my ten-year marriage, at this same time I had a new girlfriend. Tana was long-legged and sarcastic; she could be very distracting. She was a fine art major who waitressed part-time at one of the strip’s busiest saloons, the Jade Elephant. My apartment was just two blocks from there and she stayed over at my place about half the time, so she knew about the calls.

Tana was the only person who knew anything about it for a long time. She was sworn to secrecy. Mostly, I just let Tana distract me.

Quite sensibly, she urged me to contact the authorities, or at least to get an unlisted phone number. Offering no real explanation, I wasn’t comfortable with either option. Playing my cards close to the vest, I simply acted as if it didn’t really bother me. At this point she didn’t know about the hunch. We spent a lot of time riding our bicycles and playing Frisbee-golf.

As I rummage through my memory of this time period now the images are smeared and spooky. I stayed high more than before. For sure, I’ve forgotten a lot of it.

A few months later my nose was broken in a basketball game, and by pure coincidence I saw my grandmother on a stretcher at the hospital while I was there. Feeling weak, she had checked herself in. Nana died before dawn: March 5, 1982.

Later that morning, when I went to her apartment to see after her affairs, she had already packed everything up. She left notes on pieces of cardboard taped to furniture about her important papers and what to do with everything. A few days later my daughter and I sprinkled Nana's ashes into a creek in Orange County; it was a place she had played when she was a little girl.

Unmercifully, the stalking telephone calls became more frequent. Wherever I went, home, office, or someone else’s place, the phone would ring. Then there would be that same diabolical silence, no matter who answered.

Anxiety had become my familiar companion, although I didn’t know then to call it by that name. While I surely needed to do something decisive about the telephone problem, the energy just couldn’t be mustered.

If someone had told me I was sinking deeper and deeper into a major depression, well, I would have laughed it off -- I was too cocky to be depressed. In my view, then, depression was an affliction of people who were bored. It never occurred to me that pure confidence was leaking out of my psyche, spilling away forever.

Unfortunately, my narrow view of the problem centered around the mystery of who and why.



Part of the persona I had created and projected in my role as the Biograph’s manager was that everything came easily to me. I liked to hide any hard work or struggle from the public, even the staff at times. While I might have wrestled with the artwork for a Midnight Show handbill for days, I would act as if it had been dashed off in an hour.

Looking back on it now, I’d say that pose was part of a cool image I wanted to project for the theater, itself, too.

Living inside such a pretend world -- within a pretend world -- rather than seeing the debilitating effect the telephone monster was having on me, I saw only clues. My strategy was to outlast the caller, to close in like a hard-boiled movie sleuth without ever letting anyone know it was getting to me.

Since the calls started around the time I began seeing Tana, it seemed plausible it could have to do with her. Maybe an old boyfriend? Also, there was my own ex -- maybe one of her new squeezes? Maybe my rather eccentric brother (who died in 2005)? Beyond those obvious possibilities, I poured over the smallest details of each and every personal relationship.

As a theater manager, my movie detective training told me it had to be someone with a powerful grudge, so I created a list of prime suspects.

Misunderstandings with disgruntled former employees were combed through, rivals from various battles I’d fought over the years were considered. And, there were people I had hurt, out of just being careless. It became my habit to question the motives of those around me at every turn. In sly ways, they were all tested.

As I examined my history, searching through any details that could have set a grudge in motion, a new picture of Terry Rea began to emerge. I found reasons for guilt that had never occurred to me before. When I looked in the mirror, I began to see a different man, a self-centered phony.

It was as if I had discovered a secret, grotesque portrait of what was left of my soul, hanging in the attic, like Oscar Wilde’s character -- Dorian Gray.

Then my old yellow Volvo wagon was rifled. A few personal things were taken but they didn’t touch the stereo. When my office at the theater was burglarized, my glasses and a photograph of me were stolen. Of course, I saw those crimes as connected to the phone calls.

Tired of the ordeal and frustrated with me, Tana had been imploring me to have the calls traced. In late September, I finally agreed to do it. A woman who worked for the telephone company told me I had to keep a precise record of the times of all the calls, and I had to agree to prosecute the guilty party if he was discovered. Although it had been nearly a year, I was still holding the mystery close to me and hadn’t mentioned it to anyone at the theater.

As the telephone company’s pin register gadgetry soon revealed, there was good reason for that.

One way or another, I managed to get information out of the telephone company lady without actually getting on board with the police part of it. The bottom line was this -- there were two numbers on the list of traced calls that coincided with nearly all the calls on my record. One was a pay phone in Goochland County, the other was the Biograph’s number.

Several of those calls were placed from the theater, well after it had closed. After looking at the record of the work schedule from the previous weeks, one employee had worked the late shift on each night a call came from the building after hours. Not coincidentally, this same man was the only person who lived in Goochland, twenty miles away.

Most importantly, it was the same man revealed by my original hunch -- he was the projectionist at the Biograph. Now I refer to the culprit only as the “jellypig.”

Why jellypig?

Let’s just say he had a porcine, yet gelatinous way about him. I prefer to avoid using his real name because it suits me. People who are familiar with the cast of characters in this tangled story still know his name. That’s enough for me.

Nonetheless, while all the circumstantial evidence pointed at only one man the thought of wrongfully accusing a person of such a terrible thing was still unbearable to me.

So, I continued to stew in my own juices.



In November, I decided to move, to flee Grace Street for a new pad further downtown on Franklin Street. At a staff meeting, I revealed aspects of the stalking I had been enduring. I explained that for a while, I would not get a new home telephone. They were also told I had proof of who was actually behind the calls, but I said nothing about any of the calls having been made from the theater. Most importantly, I left them to guess at the villain’s identity.

Why?

Truth is, I don’t remember. Perhaps I was hoping to scare the jellypig and make him slink away.

Although the calls at my home ceased to be a problem, a week or so later a weird note was left in my car. Why that became the last straw I don’t know ... but it was.

The following afternoon, when no one else was in the building, I called the jellypig into my office. Sitting at my desk, I looked him in the eye and calmly lowered the boom. It was like living in a black and white B movie. None of it seemed real.

He looked scared and flatly denied it. So, I told him about the traced phone calls. That news deflated him; he collapsed into himself. The bulbous jellypig stared blankly at the floor. Then he insisted that someone ... somebody had to be framing him.

I was flabbergasted!

It hadn’t even occurred to me that he would simply lie in the face of such a strong case. To get him out of my sight I told him he had one day to come up with a better story, or the owners of the theater would be told and he’d be turned over to the cops. I can’t remember what I said would happen if he came clean. Most likely, I was still hoping he’d just go away.

Maybe I didn’t have a plan.

The problem with just firing the jellypig right on the spot was that replacing him wouldn’t be so easy. Since late-1980, the Biograph had been operating as a non-union house. Because of an ongoing dispute with the local operators union, I was hiring our projectionists directly off the street.

As it happened, our original projectionist developed a problem with the local union over some internal politics. Later, his rivals took over. They fought. He got steamed and walked out. Which prompted the union to tell me to bar him from the booth. Although I was uncomfortable going against the union, politically, I felt standing by the individual I had worked with for eight years was the right thing to do.

The union’s reaction was to pull its men off the job. This eventually led to me hiring the man who became the jellypig to be a back-up projectionist. For reasons I can’t recall, he was then at odds with the union, too, so he was willing to work at the Biograph in spite of the official boycott.

Subsequently, our full-time projectionist -- whose squabble had created the problem -- left to take a job with another theater that had also broken with the union. Which made it look like the whole town might follow our example and go non-union. Naturally, that put me in an even worse light with the union brass, who blamed me personally.

The jellypig seemed qualified to run the booth, so the easiest thing to do was promote him to full-time when the opening came about. Although I ’d never really checked up on him, like I usually did when I hired people, I put him in charge of the two projection booths.

So, if I fired the jellypig -- summarily and on the spot -- the Biograph didn’t have as many options as it should have, owing to the fact there was a very limited pool of qualified projectionists readily available to a non-union house. We had trained an usher to be backup, but he wasn’t ready to run the whole operation.

It seemed I had little choice but to get in touch with the union for a replacement. Since the theater was in a slump, it was a bad time for operating expenses to go up, and I expected the union bosses would go for some payback with a new contract.

The jellypig rushed into my office the next day with the big news -- he had solved the mystery! In a flurry, he claimed the person responsible for the calls was an old nemesis of his. It was an evil genius who was an electronics expert. He could fool the phone company’s machinery.

It seemed the jellypig's comic book villain had a long history of playing terrible dirty tricks on him, going back to their tortured childhood at the orphanage in Pittsburgh.

Oh brother!

Then, if that wasn’t bad enough, the jellypig told me the guilty one was doing it all for two reasons: One was simply to heap trouble onto the house of the jellypig, who had a wife and kids to support. The other was to hurt your narrator, directly ... since the evil genius knew all.

At this point the jellypig coughed up the breaking news that he had long been harboring a powerful carnal lust for me. Caught up in the moment, the jellypig began to sob, admitting it was all his fault -- he had foolishly shared the vital particulars of his secret craving with the evil one, himself.

OK. I know it makes no sense now, but as I listened to jellypig, along with disgust I began to feel something akin to pity. The selling jellypig assured me that he would do whatever it took to stop the evil genius from bothering me ever again. He begged me, literally on his knees, not to tell his wife or the theater’s owners about any of it.

My mind was reeling and my stomach had turned.

As I told the jellypig to leave the office and let me think, there's no doubt that I should have wondered which one of us was the craziest.
Not surprisingly, the tailspin the Biograph had gone into had become wilder. The theater was loosing money like it hadn’t in several years. As the winter came and went, my spirits sank steadily. It was like being paralyzed so slowly it was almost imperceptible.

During the spring, the two managing partners frequently brought up the subject of selling the Richmond Biograph, which scared me to no end.

In the meantime, the owners told me expenses had to be slashed drastically, meaning I had to let some people go. Who and how many was up to me, but salaries had to come in under a certain figure. So I was given a few days to come up with a new plan that had to eliminate at least one of the two guys who had been there the longest.

Shortly thereafter, I was at my desk talking on the phone to a close friend about how I was putting out feelers for another job, because the Biograph was for sale. Without thinking, I gave him my new, unlisted home phone number, which had been put in Tana’s name. When I hung up, it struck me the damned jellypig might have heard me, if his ear had been up to the common drywall between the booth and my office.

My home telephone rang several times that night.

That very night! It was pure hell. Mustering the coldblooded attitude to fire friends to cut costs wasn't within me.

Then there was this -- if I bowed out of the picture it would eliminate the biggest salary burden the theater had. By this point I had developed a couple of mysterious health problems. I literally lost my voice, due to a vocal cord problem.

Plus, the Biograph’s ability to negotiate with the local union would be less encumbered without me around. Good reasons for me to run away from 814 West Grace Street seemed everywhere I looked. With no plan of where I would end up, I suddenly decided to walk away from what I had once seen as the best job in the Fan District.

So I called the owners to tell them of my decision to leave; they also heard about the jellypig business for the first time. The boys in DeeCee were shocked and urged me to reconsider, to take a month off. They had hired me to manage the theater months before it opened it opened in 1972. We’d been through a lot together.

However, I’m sure they were actually quite torn with what to do with their floundering friend. Clearly, at that time I was not the resourceful problem solver I had been for many years. Beyond that, we could all see fashion was turning sharply against what had been a darling of the ‘70s popular culture -- repertory cinemas.

The future for the Biograph looked dicey no matter what I did. The owners agreed with me that the jellypig had to go ... as soon as possible. I remember mentioning that I had gotten him to promise to get psychiatric help in exchange for me not calling the police.

Without much of an explanation to anyone else, I announced to whoever cared that I was moving on and looking forward to a life of new adventures. Movie critic Carole Kass wrote a small article for the Richmond Times-Dispatch noting that I had “retired.”

Over lunch at Stella’s on Harrison St., soon after my barely explained departure from the Biograph, I told a former Biograph co-worker that maybe I had it all coming to me. Maybe the jellypig had just been an agent of karma. I speculated that perhaps my hubris and nonchalance had all but invited ruin.

She got so angry she walked out of the restaurant. At the time I couldn’t grasp what her reaction meant.

What I couldn’t explain to anyone, because I didn’t understand it myself, was that I just had no confidence. I didn’t know what to do next at any given moment. My gift of gab, such as it had been, was kaput. I stammered. In the middle of a sentence, I would lose my place ... questioning how to end it.

As the summer wore on it turned out the jellypig wasn’t quickly replaced in the Biograph’s booth, which galled me to no end. Apparently the owners were struggling with the union over a new contract.

That’s when I came up with the name “jellypig.” A few weeks after dropping my job like a hot potato I went by the theater to leave off a little drawing for him on the staff message board. It featured a cartoon character I created for the occasion -- the jellypig.

The character was a simple line drawing of a pig-like creature. He was depicted in a scene under a water line, chained to an anchor. He had little x’s for eyes. There were small bubbles coming from his head and drifting toward the water’s surface. The jellypig was almost smiling, he seemed unconcerned with his fate.

The caption read something like, “The jellypig takes a swim,” or “The jellypig’s day at the beach.” That began a short series of similar cartoons, all left off at the Biograph. The others portrayed a suffering jellypig in that same droll tone.

Yes, I did it to get into his head -- let him be scared, for a change.

Although I was no longer in charge of the theater, it was habit for me to have a say in it’s affairs. Which made for some awkward moments, because the jellypig cartoons weren’t funny to anybody but me. It put the new manager, Mike, who had been my assistant manager for five years, in an awkward position.

For about a year I had been doing a Thursday afternoon show on a semi-underground radio station called Color Radio. As a record played, from the studio I spoke on the phone with the jellypig. He was at work. I don’t recall what precipitated the conversation. Anyway, he told me he had blown off the notion of professional counseling. I warned him that he was breaking his bargain. He went on to say that he didn’t need any help, but that maybe I did.

The jellypig revealed to me that he resented the way I had treated him for a long time -- deliberately excluding him from much of the social scene at the theater. He complained bitterly, saying I had stood in the way of his advancement. But in spite of the way I had tried to poison the owners’ minds against him ... eventually, he would convince them to let him manage the Biograph to save money.

For the first time it hit me -- the scheming jellypig’s entire effort had been a “Gaslight” treatment. All that time I’d been playing Ingrid Bergman to his Charles Boyer.

The anger from what I had allowed to happen welled up in that moment. I told the jellypig that after my radio shift ended, I was coming directly to the theater. If he was still there, I’d break both of his legs with a softball bat.

On my way to the Biograph I wondered again who, if anyone, on the staff might have known more about the jellypig's game than they had let on. When I got to the theater the jellypig had called in a replacement and vamoosed. We'll never know what would have happened had he been there.

Maybe I would have broken only one leg.

The terrified jellypig worked a couple more shifts in the booth after that day. Taking no chances, he brought in his children to be there with him, as human shields. Then, wisely, he split ... for good.

Which meant no more jellypig cartoons.


It took my run for a seat on City Council in the spring of 1984 to wrench loose from that unprecedented spell of melancholia. Blowing off my hunch on that first call probably bought me more trouble than any other single mistake I’ve ever made. Tana and I split up in the fall.

All these years later, I wonder if I heard something in that first call. Maybe it was a sound so faint I didn’t know I heard it; almost like subliminal suggestion. Perhaps it was the churning sound of the projection equipment. Although I don’t remember hearing it, it’s the best explanation -- short of parapsychology -- that makes any sense.

My dear grandmother’s advice to trust six-sense hunches now seems like good medicine. Put another way, it simply meant -- trust your own judgment. Believe in yourself. Which might be the best advice I could ever give my own grandchildren.

*

Note from Rebus: By the time the Biograph's pair of screens went dark in December of 1987 many art houses had already closed all over the country. The golden age for repertory cinemas was a fading memory. Months behind on the rent, Richmond's Biograph was seized by its landlord and closed down forever. It was two months shy of its 16th anniversary. The building that housed it is still there; now it's the oldest building on the block.

All rights reserved by the author. For more stories in the Biograph Times 
series by F.T. Rea click here.

Friday, November 04, 2016

Time to Decide

Prior to 2016, I can't remember a political campaign season that featured such damning controversy swirling around a candidate with a genuine chance to win. Nor can I remember when I've followed a political race and remained undecided less than a week before election day. 

No, I'm not talking about the presidential race. This piece is about Richmond's mayoral race.

As far as the presidential campaign is concerned, I will vote for the Democratic Party's nominee. In the spring I voted for Bernie Sanders, because I preferred him. That was then; it was a primary. On election day, choosing between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump is easy -- I'm with her. 

Moreover, my hope is that Trump, the Bluster Meister, will set a new record for losing by the widest margin in history. Of course,  I'll settle for a Clinton win no matter how small the margin. Perhaps writer Andy Borowitz has said it best: 
Stopping Trump is a short-term solution. The long-term solution, and it will be more difficult, is fixing the educational system that has created so many people ignorant enough to vote for Trump.
Back to the local scene. The presence of Joe Morrissey on the ballot has injected much of the sizzle into the mayoral race. In April there were nearly 20 wannabe mayors trying to get enough publicity to compete with Morrissey, a feisty little dickens who has been well known to Richmonders for over 25 years. One by one the wannabes failed to gain the needed traction. 

Now, with Jon Baliles having stepped aside, on Nov. 2, we're down to six left standing. However, wags suggest only three of those six have a legit chance to win. In addition to Morrissey they are Jack Berry and Levar Stoney.

Since Baliles had a rather substantial following, if he endorses one of those two anti-Morrisseys that could put Berry or Stoney over the top. But time is running out for such a move to pay off.

In other words, it's generally accepted that three candidates -- Bobby Junes, Michelle Mosby and Lawrence Williams -- have no chance to win. Yet, by stepping down, now, any of that trio could play a role in deciding who will be the next mayor. Whether any of the three will become interested in playing such a role is not known at this desk.

The decision of which mayoral candidate will get my vote is still waiting to be made. I'm glad I had the benefit of the Bijou Salons to help me know three of the candidates a little better. Yet, those sessions with the candidates left me with a dilemma: Do I want to support the man I agree with the most? Or, the man who seems the most qualified, experience-wise? Or the man whose fresh face might best represent a city trying to turn a page on dysfunction at City Hall?

Note: To read about the Bijou Salon, click here. To read about Berry's Bijou Salon appearance click here. To read about Baliles' appearance click here. To read about Stoney's appearance click here.  

The time for deciding is upon us, candidates and voters alike. It's about choosing. 

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Bijou Salon: Levar Stoney

Bijou Salon No. 3 Report

In the Chair: Levar Stoney, mayoral candidate 

Panelists for this session: Chris Dovi, Michael Garrett, Don Harrison, Karen Newton, Reggie Pace, James Parrish, Carrie Stettinius, Gordon Stettinius, Charles Williams, Matt Zoller. 

Host: Terry Rea 

Background: A few weeks ago, during a Facebook discussion about Richmond's nettlesome baseball stadium issue, something interesting occurred. After some messaging back and forth a sit-down meeting with mayoral candidate Jack Berry was arranged. It took place on Oct. 3 in the Bijou Film Center's downtown screening room space. Berry, 62, met with a savvy group of invited citizens for about 90 minutes, to answer questions and discuss various local political issues. Thus the concept of the Bijou Salon was launched. Then, on Oct. 23, Jon Balies, 45, sat in the chair to answer questions and present his vision for Richmond, his home town. 

Oct. 25, 2016: Levar Stoney smiled, rolled up his sleeves and sat down. He seemed to relish the opportunity to present his case to the Bijou Salon panel on hand. As with the Berry and the Baliles sessions, no political beat reporters were invited. No television journalists were invited. No recordings of the confab were allowed. Once again, the conversation went on for about 90 minutes.

Once again, the panel got to ask follow-up questions. The panelists spoke naturally, while sitting around a table, drinking beer (or wine or sodas) and listening. Of course, the candidate did most of the talking.

Stoney spoke frequently of his experience working in Gov. Terry McAuliffe's administration as Sec. of the Commonwealth (2014-16). At 35, Stoney's youth and background in state government help to set him apart from the other two most prominent anti-Morrisseys – Baliles and Berry – who have experience working at and with City Hall.

Stoney asked those listening to him to see his youth and energy as a plus. He pointed at the "system" in City Hall as maybe more of a problem than the personnel. However, when it comes to the task of taking at hard look at some of the entrenched city employees who may have overstayed their welcome, Stoney presented his fresh face in town vantage point as an advantage. He smiled often and confidently.

While criticizing Mayor Dwight Jones for his lackluster performance, in general, Stoney reminded us of how Jones has seemed to an enigmatic presence in recent years. Stoney asserted that he will be a mayor who is accessible and visible.

Of the three candidates who participated in the Bijou Salons, Stoney seemed the least interested in spending taxpayers' money on professional sports. He said he thinks the Redskins will probably leave town sooner than later. He also seemed less convinced than some of his rivals that minor league baseball simply must stay within the confines of the city limits, no matter what.

Concerning the admissions tax issue, Stoney seemed happy enough to see it phased out. Whether he would provide leadership in that area wasn't clear. However, on this topic neither Stoney nor Berry showed the depth of understanding that Baliles revealed.

Indeed, this particular issue flies under the radar for most Richmonders, who have no sense of how that seven percent grab, which the city takes off the top of the price of every ticket sold in Richmond, hobbles show biz to limit our entertainment options (click and scroll down to read an OpEd penned by yours truly). A forward looking city government should take a hard look at what eliminating that tax has done to create entertainment scenes in Austin and Nashville.

In summing up, after three sessions it's obvious that our relaxed atmosphere format allowed for more complete answers than a typical candidates-on-stage forum provides. It seemed the attendees enjoyed the conversation. So much so, in each case some folks lingered to talk about what they had heard and ask one another about their views of this year's fascinating mayoral race.

My thanks go out to the three candidates who took a chance. All three guys came in without handlers. All three appeared to appreciate the opportunity to have a beer and explain their views. Fortunately, we didn't hear all that much canned, sound bite talk. The trio gave me more to think about, as I decide which mayoral candidate will get my vote.

And, my thanks also go out to the panelists for the three sessions. They were: Chris Dovi, Lillie Estes, Barry Fitzgerald, Sasha Waters Freyer, Betty Garrett, Michael Garrett, Don Harrison, Katey Knox, Enjoli Moon, Karen Newton, Reggie Pace, James Parrish, Billy Rice, Markus Schmidt, Nicki Stein, Carrie Stettinius, Gordon Stettinius, Charles Williams, Matt Zoller.

After three "strong mayor" terms (of four years each) that have been disappointing, Richmond needs to finally elect a mayor who can make the strong mayor system work. We need a full-time mayor who can foster the regional cooperation that's vital to solving metro problems. An energetic mayor who can cure the morale problem at City Hall. A mayor who wants to listen to a fair range of voices representing the whole community.

The presumed front-runner Joe Morrissey is clearly the most polarizing of the four candidates who, at this writing, seem to have a chance of winning. Or at least finishing in the top two, to qualify to be in the run-off in December. In the last days before election day, Nov. 8, many of Richmond's voters may still be undecided about the mayoral contest. Maybe this piece will help.

To close: On November 8 please remember to do you duty as a citizen and vote. After that, stay tuned for more news about future Bijou Salons.

-- 30 --

Monday, October 24, 2016

Bijou Salon: Jon Baliles


Bijou Salon No. 2 Report

In the Chair: Jon Baliles, mayoral candidate

Panelists for this session: Barry Fitzgerald, Betty Garrett, Michael Garrett, Don Harrison, Katey Knox, Reggie Pace, James Parrish, Gordon Stettinius, Matt Zoller.

Host: Terry Rea

Background: A few weeks ago, during a Facebook discussion about Richmond's nettlesome baseball stadium issue, something interesting occurred. After some messaging back and forth a sit-down meeting with mayoral candidate Jack Berry was arranged. It took place on Oct. 3 in the Bijou Film Center's downtown screening room space. Berry met with a savvy group of invited citizens for about 90 minutes, to answer questions and discuss various local political issues. Thus the concept of the Bijou Salon was launched.

*

Oct. 23, 2016: Jon Baliles sat in the Bijou Salon chair for a freewheeling discussion of his views. As with the Berry session, no political beat reporters were invited. No television journalists were invited. No recordings of the confab were allowed. Once again, the conversation went on for about 90 minutes. Again, it was more like friends and associates sitting around a table, drinking beer (wine or sodas) and politely taking turns asking questions and making comments.

For the Baliles session, while the candidate did most of the talking, it was striking what a good listener he was. He responded directly to questions. Everyone on hand who had something to say, said it. For the most part, no one was cut off or talked over. Moreover, Baliles' answers didn't seem to be canned talking points. It was refreshing.

Baliles explained the evolution of his view of the baseball stadium issue, in depth. Given the pivotal role he played in scuttling Mayor Dwight Jones' Shockoe Bottom baseball stadium proposal, it was good to hear Baliles talk about his 2014 telephone conversation with his fellow councilman, Charles Samuels, that led to their joint press release. That statement by Baliles and Samuels effectively put the kibosh to the mayor's puzzling, wrongheaded plan to move professional baseball from the Boulevard to the Bottom.

Baliles also spoke at length about his history of interacting with the arts community, especially with the mural project he and artist Ed Trask headed up. Note: Both Berry and Baliles can talk comfortably and credibly about their associations with Richmond's arts community, but there's a difference. Berry's perspective seems more from the top down, while Baliles' seems more from the bottom up.

When it came to his understanding of the admissions tax issue Baliles showed he has done his homework better than some candidates. Most Richmonders have no sense of how that hidden seven percent tax -- that comes off the top of every ticket sold in Richmond -- acts to truncate our entertainment options, or how it works against show biz, itself. Because he understands its impact, Baliles favors phasing the city's counterproductive admissions tax out, perhaps at a rate of one percent per year, until it's kaput. 

Generally speaking, Baliles showed a noteworthy depth of understanding for each issue discussed. He left me with little doubt about his ability to hit the ground running, should he win. Nonetheless, I am still undecided about which mayoral candidate will get my vote on Nov. 8, because I want to do more listening, myself.

After the first two Bijou Salons, it's already obvious that our relaxed format has allowed for more complete answers than a typical candidates-on-stage forum provides. With several candidates standing before a seated audience, to take turns answering questions with practiced sentences designed to be soundbites, it's hard to get a feel for any particular candidate's range and depth of knowledge, their ability to listen, or their sense of humor.

From what I can tell the panelists seem to have been enjoying their role during the sessions. Overall, they've been fun to do, so far. Mayoral candidate Levar Stoney will sit in the Bijou Salon chair next. My report on that upcoming session will be posted later this week.

30 –

Monday, October 10, 2016

Bijou Salon: Jack Berry

Bijou Salon No. 1 Report

In the Chair: Jack Berry, mayoral candidate

Panelists: Lillie Estes, Sasha Waters Freyer, Betty Garrett, Michael Garrett, Enjoli Moon, James Parrish, Billy Rice, Markus Schmidt, Nicki Stein, Charles Williams, Matt Zoller.

Host: Terry Rea 

During a fairly typical Facebook discussion about Richmond's nettlesome baseball stadium issue something interesting occurred. An offer emerged. After some messaging back and forth a sit-down meeting with mayoral candidate Jack Berry took place on Mon., Oct. 3, in the Bijou Film Center's downtown screening room space. So a week ago Berry met with a savvy group of invited citizens (see list above), to answer questions and discuss various local political issues. 
 
No political beat reporters were invited. No television journalists were invited. No recordings of the confab were allowed. The conversation went on from 7:30 p.m until 9 p.m.

To break the ice, Berry was asked about his high-visibility advocacy for building a baseball stadium in Shockoe Bottom. Why did he support the Shockoe Stadium concept so vigorously? And, what had he learned from its failure to gather sufficient support?

When it was announced to the public in December of 2013, Berry explained, he thought the plan for Shockoe Bottom put forth by Mayor Dwight Jones was a good proposal. It seems Berry may still think it was the right thing to do, but what has changed in his mind is that he now better understands what the nature of the opposition was ... and remains. 
 
Thus, Berry admitted to the group sitting around a table that he misjudged what the size of the opposition truly was. It seems that early on he gathered the opposition was mostly a collection of activists, akin to an Occupy/99 percent crowd. Conveniently, Berry thought the majority of Richmonders either supported Jones' plan or were indifferent. He allowed that now he knows better. 
 
Yes, having faced what proved to have been widespread disapproval, coming from different angles, Berry now seems to accept that it was not smart to have stuck with defending Mayor Jones' plan as long as he did. 
 
For my part, I must say I was impressed with Berry's ability to answer questions without playing games. While I may have disagreed with him on several issues, I appreciated his forthrightness. Truth be told, I still disagree with him on plenty, but I have new hope that as mayor, he would be prone to listening to people other than the country club set. 
 
Moreover, Berry seemed fairly relaxed and showed a sense of humor. Not that he made many jokes, but he laughed spontaneously at the laugh-worthy cracks others made.

So, I left the meeting with fresh respect for Jack Berry. He seemed to understand the duties and requirements of the job he is seeking. If he wins, I don't doubt he can handle it. Which would be a big improvement over our current situation at City Hall. Sure, that can probably be said about some number of his opponents, as well. Perhaps one of those opponents will agree to sit in the chair for a Bijou Salon soon.
 
Nonetheless and fortunately, for the sake of the next Bijou Salon, I remain undecided about which mayoral candidate will get my vote on November 8. A more detailed account of the first Bijou Salon will eventually be published.


30 –

Wednesday, October 05, 2016

'The Lovers and the Despot'


On Fri., Oct. 14 and Sat., Oct. 15, in its screening room at 304 E. Broad St., the Bijou Film Center will present a first-run documentary/thriller that's getting a lot of notice since its release last month -- “The Lovers and the Despot.

Admission: $9. No advance tickets.

Friday show times: 7 p.m. and 9:15 p.m.
Saturday show times: 4:15 p.m., 7 p.m. and 9:15 p.m.

The Lovers and the Despot” (2016): Color. 98 minutes. Directed by Robert Cannan and Ross Adam.

Note: In 1978 North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il acted upon his frustration with his country's movie industry, or lack thereof. Ever the film buff, Kim kidnapped a renown director and a beloved actress who were South Korean celebrities. The despot declared them to be his personal filmmakers. The pair was forced to make movies, all the while planning their escape.

No, this isn't the plot of an off-the-wall romp – a fantasy just for laughs. It's the documentary about Shin Sang-ok and his wife, Choi Eun-hee that wowed viewers at the 2016 Sundance Film Festival.

This real-life romantic thriller/escape saga is essential stranger-than-fiction viewing.” – Justin Change, Variety.


Beer, wine and soft drinks will be for sale. 

Friday, August 19, 2016

It paid to Advertise

The distinctive front windows of the Bearded Bros.,
black lights and Dayglo-painted panels (1969).

When the doorway into show business suddenly opened for me I entered gladly. At the time I had a sales job I wanted to quit. What I wanted was to be a professional cartoonist/writer and eventually get to make films. So selling sandwiches and beer in a dive seemed more like a step in that direction than continuing to sell janitorial supplies.

When a friend, Fred Awad, offered me work at the restaurant he was operating my coat-and-tie job was history. Actually, my coming aboard as a bartender/manager was part of a larger plan we had cooked up to convert what was then a typical blue collar neighborhood beer joint/eatery into the Fan Distict's most happening club.

The restaurant belonged to Fred's parents, who wanted to retire. They had turned it over to their sons, Fred and Howard. The brothers promptly changed the name of place at Allison and West Broad St. from Marconi's to the Bearded Brothers.

Growing beards was easy, but the Awad boys couldn’t agree on how to run the business, so the younger brother, Howard, left to pursue the quest of opening a place of his own.

Meanwhile, Fred and I had become convinced the fun-loving baby boomer crowd in the Fan District needed a place to enjoy cold beer, hot food, live music and a psychedelic light show. That, together with the edgy spectacle of go-go girls -- dancing topless. At this time, in 1969, such bare-chested, except for pasties, dancing was going on in Roanoke. But it had yet to make its way to Richmond.

And, speaking of booming babies, at this time my wife, Valerie, was six months pregnant. Fred’s wife, Mary Ann, was seven months along.

It took us a couple of weeks to paint the interior flat black, build the stage and put the light show apparatus together. We also painted the front window panes that faced Broad Street in Dayglo colors illuminated by black lights.

The rock ‘n’ roll bands went over well and brought in a fresh crowd right away. A local group calling itself Natural Wildlife became a regular attraction. Then it came time to hire the go-go dancers. So a help wanted sign went up in the restaurant.

A few young women came in asking about the dancing job. Eventually, we settled on two. One of them had some experience, the other didn’t. But only the dancer new to the exhibitionism trade could be there for the first night, which we advertised in the local newspaper. I did the ad art; it featured a pen-and-ink rendered silhouette of a female dancer and a new Bearded Brothers logo I had designed.

By 8 p.m. the place was packed, wall-to-wall. We were selling beer like never before. The only problem was that our dancer with her brand new costume, which included tasseled pasties to cover her nipples (ABC Board regulation), was scary late. She hadn’t called, either.

With the crowd clamoring for the dancing aspect of the show to get underway, a woman wearing shades waved to get my attention as I opened a bottle of beer. The joint was so noisy I could barely hear her. In a Brooklyn or maybe Queens accent, she asked something like, “Could you use another dancer?”

Trying to hide my glee, I called Fred over right away. He offered her a fast $50 to alternate sets with the other girl as the band played. She told us she had noticed the ad in a discarded newspaper on the counter of the Greyhound bus station’s coffee shop. She was chewing gum. 

That night’s experience gave me new faith in the power of advertising. The Greyhound Girl even had her costume with her in her suitcase. Fred paid her in advance and suggested that since the other dancer was running late, she could go on as soon as she could get ready.

It all went over like gangbusters. Up on stage, with the lights and music, she danced like the pro she actually was — she had been working along the same lines in Baltimore and appeared to be a trained modern dancer. Natural Wildlife was cooking and the beer taps stayed open.

After the dancer’s first set was over, she put on a robe and found me behind the bar. She laughed, “There ain’t no other girl, is there?”

I paused to shrug and returned her smile, “I don’t know where she is.”

“I’ll need another fifty to go back up there,” she said firmly.

She agreed to do two more half-hour sets and the money was put in her hand without hesitation. Hey, she knew she had rescued the night.

Yes, a hundred bucks was a lot of money, then, but there was no use in quibbling. After that night we never saw her again. Other women were hired, pronto. The show went on but we were never as busy as that first night again.

It became my duty to paint the dancers with Dayglo paint. They'd have vines curling around their arms and legs, stars and stripes on their torsos, etc. But after a few weeks of that, it seemed most of the customers didn't care much about the artsy aspects of topless dancing, such as they were. They preferred bare skin. So, the body painting stopped.

Although painting the dancers was a pleasant enough task, hanging out after work was the best perk of the job, which wasn't always paying as much as I needed to make. Frequently friends/musicians stayed around late, jamming, playing pinball games and smoking pot.

The most notable of the musicians who passed through was Bruce Springsteen, whose band Steel Mill occasionally played in Richmond then. He was a skinny, quiet guy who didn’t stand out as much then as he would later.

When my daughter was born in January the Bearded Brothers scene was lively. Then, as the weather warmed up the crowds began to thin out. Other clubs opened up offering live music, some of which were closer to VCU. Gradually, the restaurant began to drift back toward being what it had been before it had been painted black.

Later, in the spring, I had to look for a real job again. Eventually, Fred's mother took the place back over. About a year later Howard Awad opened up Hababas on the 900 block of W. Grace St., where he had a lot of fun making large money (1971-84) serving cold beer and playing canned music on his popular bar’s monster sized stereo.

The topless go-go girl thing morphed into a form of entertainment aimed at an entirely different type of crowd. Truth be told, since the time of the Bearded Brothers I've never had much interest in the places that feature topless dancing.

A few months later I got a sales job at WRNL, a radio station then owned by Richmond Newspapers. Once again I learned it paid to advertise. And, on that job I did my first professional writing, when I began penning commercials and dreaming up promotions for my advertising clients.

Although I saved copies of the aforementioned newspaper ad and the logo I did for Natural Wildlife handbills, I haven't seen either of them for a long time. The only souvenirs from my first awkward stint in show biz are a few black and white photographs, like the shot above of the Bearded Brothers' front windows.


All rights reserved by the author.  

Monday, August 15, 2016

Evil's Second Coming

Note: This reaction to 9/11 piece was written by yours truly. It was originally published by STYLE Weekly on May 15, 2002.

*

Evil's Second Coming
by F.T. Rea

Washing in on what poet William Butler Yeats (1865-1939) might have called a “blood-dimmed tide,” the specter of evil suddenly emerged from the periphery of modern life eight months ago. In the blue skies of the time before 9/11’s sucker punch, the notion of pure evil had an Old World air about it. Absolutes, such as good and evil, had no seat at the table of postmodern thinking.

After 9/11, a generation of Americans suddenly learned a bitter lesson: Evil never went away. It had gone out of style, as a concept, only because times were so easy. Living in a land of plenty, it had gotten to be a pleasant habit to avert our eyes from evil-doings in lands of want.

The last American president to get much mileage out of the word evil was probably Ronald Reagan, with his “evil empire” characterization of the USSR and its sphere of influence. Now, 20 years later, we have a president who sees “an axis of evil” — an alleged phenomenon that puzzles most of the world’s leaders, or so they say.

George W. Bush apparently has little use for Franklin D. Roosevelt’s stalwart advice to a nation in need of a boost in confidence — “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Instead, Bush chooses to color-code fear rather than urge his people to rise above it.

The propagandists of the Bush administration have been successful in cultivating the public’s anxiety since September. Whether that’s been done for our own good remains to be seen. Perhaps it has, but this much is clear now — all the official danger alerts about nuclear power plants, bridges and crop-dusters have been effective in keeping most of the natural questioning of the administration’s moves at bay.

To hear Attorney General John Ashcroft tell it, the architects of 9/11 are the personification of the most virulent form of evil ever known. Although much of the evidence that would establish his absolute guilt in connection with 9/11 remains a state secret, Osama bin Laden is said to have shot to the top of the chart. Forget about Joseph Stalin, Adolph Hitler, Idi Amin and Pol Pot. They were amateurs.

Then again, evil, like beauty, has always been in the eye of the beholder.

Wasn’t it evil to deliberately dump tons of potent pesticide into the James River during the ’70s to make a greedy buck? Once it was in Virginia’s water, it turned out that kepone wasn’t much different from a bio-terror agent in the same water.

Although it was first reported that the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing that killed 168 people was likely to have been the work of Middle Eastern terrorists, such wild speculation soon fizzled in the face of the facts.

With the news seeping out of the cloisters about child-molesting priests and the Catholic Church’s systematic cover-ups, whose betrayal was more evil, the molester or the higher-ups who hid and facilitated his crimes?

Whether evil exists in some pure form, off in another dimension, is not my department. What’s known here is that in the real world evil is contagious. Lurking in well-appointed rooms or hiding in caves, evil remains as it ever was — ready to spread.

None of this is to suggest that al Qaida shouldn’t be put out of business. It isn’t to say that knocking the Taliban off was a bad idea. There’s no question here about whether the United States should protect itself from the networks of organized terror that are hell-bent on destroying the modern world.

Still, today’s evil is the same evil our forefathers faced in their wars. Evil hasn’t changed; technology has. With modern weapons in their hands, the fanatics of the world have the potential to wreak havoc like never before.

What has changed is the extent to which the hate festering in the souls of the world’s would-be poobahs and their sociopathic minions can be weaponized. It’s worth noting that the weapons of mass destruction that are scaring us the most were developed during the arms-race days of the Cold War by the game’s principal players.

So another question arises, who is more dangerous to civilization, the guys who spent their treasure to weaponize germs, or the guys who want to steal the stuff and use it on somebody?

Decades ago this was a concern expressed by some in the disarmament movement. Its scary what-if scenarios always included the likelihood that the super powers would eventually lose track of some of their exotic weapons. Looking back on it now, it seems obvious that there was no way any government could keep all that material locked away from the greed and hate of determined free-lancers.

A man with a briefcase-style nuclear device may be no more evil than a man armed with a knife. Either danger could kill you just as dead. Those of us who feel connected to others know which one we should fear the most.

The “rough beast” of dreadful evil “slouching towards” us is traveling on the back of technology of our own making. While we watch out for organized terrorists in the short run, with a handy color code to guide us, it’s time to think more seriously about how to get rid of a lot of very dangerous weapons in the long run.

-- 30 --

The Head-on-a-Pole Solution for Problems Aplenty

Note: The first version of this piece was written several years ago, well before a certain billionaire -- much-in-the-news -- started running for president. But that hardly makes the following proposal any less attractive. 


If I could show you, in a couple of minutes, exactly how to solve a good many of the most daunting problems we face today -- without costing the taxpayers a cent! -- wouldn't you be interested in hearing about it?

Of course you would. Read on.

My plan calls for just one public execution a year. Its purpose would be to fund cures for diseases, to fund free educations for everyone, to prevent wars, all the while also erasing America's red ink problem. To accomplish all that just one person would be put to death by the federal government each year.

Although I'm ordinarily opposed to capital punishment, there are exceptions to every rule. Here's how it would work: 

First we would make a list of all the American billionaires. Each of their names would be put on a ballot. Each American citizen, 18-or-older, would get to vote -- free of charge -- for the person they see as the absolute worst citizen billionaire in the USA. The ballots and ballot boxes would be put in convenience stores all over the country. The same ballots would be available online, as would virtual ballot boxes. Maybe we should make it 16-or-older.

All year long, we the people would all be eligible to vote once a month -- 12 votes per year. The billionaire who gets the most votes for being the most hated billionaire of the lot would be arrested wherever he or she is hiding by a SWAT team. Upon the last second of December 31st, America's most hated billionaire of that year would be executed by guillotine, somewhat as pictured above.

Naturally, America's cities would bid to stage the execution, like the Olympics. The mammoth Payback Party that would surround the event would mean big budget commercials would run in the live telecasts of the whole shebang -- cha-ching! Most of that money would go directly into the Social Security trust fund, so the monthly payments to retirees could be increased.

The rest of the money generated by the event would go into a special fund to buy a six-pack of beer -- via downloadable coupon -- for everyone who voted for the particular billionaire to be beheaded in at least two months. That six-pack incentive to pick billionaires wisely should help keep the voting more realistic, if not honest.

As the blade falls, at midnight, millions of those cans of beer could be opened simultaneously to buff America's exceptionalism credentials for all to see. It would be bigger than the Super Bowl. 

Afterward, the deserving billionaire's head will be put on top of a tall brass pole -- the Peoples' Payback Pole -- for all to see, where it would stay for one year. Then, for the next new year the new head would go up in a different city.

Out of respect for the head, it would be turned over to the billionaire's family, once its required year on the pole is done. Meanwhile, the rest of the billionaires, everywhere, would feel more than a little inspired to solve their own dilemma. Accordingly, they would have a couple of easy-to-understand choices to prevent their own head from being selected to be the next.
  • Turn enough money over to the federal government or legit non-profits, to simply escape the list of eligible billionaires. The money given to the government could go toward building a fast train national railway system.
  • If they choose to remain a billionaire, then they need to use their money to do selected good works to curry favor with voters -- perhaps reaching out especially to those who hang around convenience stores or tend to stay online all day. 
So, if you are a billionaire, let’s say you’ve got a cool $50 billion. Then you could choose to give away $49.1 billion to get off the hook. Or, you could take a chance on targeting a few billion to curing cancer. Or, you could throw money at feeding orphans, or on bringing peace to the Mideast. Maybe you’d pick all the musicians in a state and pay their rent for one whole year.

Smart billionaires would naturally buy lots of ads in magazines and newspapers, to tout what good deeds they’re doing, in order to increase their chances of keeping their own heads attached to their respective shoulders. So, this deal could save our favorite inky wretches from extinction, too.

Accordingly, crime rates would plunge. The research for new green-friendly technologies would be fully funded. Better recreational drugs with no hangovers ought to be developed. Every kid who wants a new puppy would get one. And, last but not least, publishers would have plenty of money to pay freelance writers and artists decent fees for their work.

To sum up: Each old year would end with the execution of just one richly deserving person. Each new year would start out with a visible symbol atop that People' Payback Pole, showing everyone -- including billionaires, for a change -- why we should all be good to one another. 

-- 30 --

Monday, August 08, 2016

Trump's Way: The Occupation Must End


Note: The Occupation Must End is Episode 2 of Trump's Way. To read Episode 1 go here.

“Yesterday the first of the demonstrators showed up,” President-Elect Trump will say to open the fourth of his Trump's Way live television shows. “It was bound to happen. Look at those signs, 'Obama, Go Away!' and 'The Occupation Must End!'”

Since Pres. Barack Obama will not have answered Trump's call for him to move out of the White House by Nov. 30, Trump will again remind the Obamas they have just 16 days left to end their "occupation" of the White House. Trump's head and shoulders will be seen superimposed over a live shot of demonstrators marching across the Key Bridge on their way toward the White House.

Of course, the demonstrators will be singing "Hit the Road, Barack," after the Ray Charles song with a similar title. The crowd of marchers will be estimated at 2,500-to-3,000 people by the D.C. Police.

Trump will say, “Look at all those people. Good Americans. Not one Muslim or Mexican in the bunch. My people have checked.”

After a deep prolonged sigh, Trump will look directly into the camera and go into his familiar schtick about making America great again. Then he'll look back over his shoulder, like he's seeing what the viewer sees and say, “Looks like 20,000 … people are saying it could be 40,000. All I know is many more, many, many more are on the way. I just hope, I pray it stays peaceful."

The president-elect will address his next statement to a particular audience: "By the way, speaking of getting out of Dodge, you illegal immigrants, you people can all still leave the country peacefully. Do it before I'm running the show. Believe me! Please believe me. You'll be so glad you did. So glad."

Trump will close the show with this thinly veiled insult: “Nice people don't overstay their welcome. Time for the ex-president to go, go back to Chicago, or maybe Kenya.”

Note: In Episode 3 Trump's Way will be carried live by Fox, CBS, ABC and CNN. 

--- 30 --

-- Art and words by F.T. Rea

Thursday, August 04, 2016

Trump's Way: Post Number 1

Note: This is the first episode of a series.


After Trump wins the election on Nov. 8, 2016, he will feel emboldened like nobody's business. Early on in his victory speech he will announce that Sarah Palin will be his Secretary of State.

"Day One, yes! on Day One! I'm going to send Sweet Sarah to Mexico with an offer," Trump will boast. "Believe me! An offer that whosoever is running that pitiful country can't refuse. Oh! Bet the effing farm on it. Mexico is going to pay for that wall."

During the thunderous applause that follows an obviously inebriated Donald Trump, Jr. will stumble and tumble off of the stage. Junior will hold up his glass to show he didn't spill its entire contents in the fall. More applause. Those assembled in the ballroom will then hear a speech that will bear little resemblance to any previous American president-elect's speech in such a setting.

Three days later Trump's squirming impatience with having to wait until next year -- Jan. 20th -- to move into the White House will boil over. Trump will go on Fox News to make an announcement. After thanking the voters for their trust, he'll tell viewers to mark their calendars, because they're watching the first episode of Trump's Way -- a live television program that he will host every day until he is sworn in.

Then Trump will cut to the chase: “President Obama should just pack his -- whatever -- and by the end of the month the White House should be vacated. Waiting over two pointless months is ridiculous. The voters have spoken. Three weeks is good ... out of politeness. Politeness is good, but political correctness is bad. Very bad.”

To be continued.

--- 30 --

-- Art and words by F.T. Rea

Thursday, July 28, 2016

The Election Year of Living Dangerously

Can Bernie calm down his craziest former supporters?
OK, just who are the Bernie-or-Busters? Now that the nomination process is over, what's their point?

While some are bound to be moles dedicated to getting Donald Trump elected, most appear to be well-meaning people -- self-styled liberals who just can't stand to lose. It seems that for some of them Bernie Sanders raised their hopes of a revolution so high, now they're standing on a ledge looking down at a leap into the bleakness of Donald Trump's dystopia. 

Well, when they boo Sarah Silverman, they lose me. So beyond being liberals, for the most part, who the hell are these people?

From what I can tell, relying on reports and conversations, there are two groups in particular that stand out:

  • The young people new to following politics who have suddenly discovered there are people in political parties who try to game the system to favor the candidate they prefer. Caught in the throes of their righteous indignation, now these Bernie-or-Busters want to punish the cheaters in the Democratic Party, even if that means facilitating Trump's election.
  • Then there are the geezers, who should know better. Some of them are dwelling on old grudges so much they don't seem to care if it means putting Trump in the White House. Their denial of what that would mean isn't all that different from the baffling denial of evolution and climate change by rightwing religious zealots.

Meanwhile, my guess is Trump's camp, such as it is, will try to manufacture October Surprise-like stunts/revelations every day of the week, from Labor Day until election day. If I'm only half right, to think such a strategy couldn't pull the rug out from under the Democrats get-out-the-vote operation is wishful thinking.

Yes, Hillary Clinton should win and win big. It should be a landslide that sweeps in Democrats down-ballot, too. But don't fool yourself. Trump the celebrity could win.

Richard Nixon should never have won in 1968. He was a washed up guy who had lost two elections in a row – 1960 (presidential) and '62 (California gubernatorial). It was hard to find people who actually liked him.

Nixon touted a secret plan to end the Vietnam War – can't tell you what it is, or it wouldn't be a secret. Who would fall for that?

Well, history tells us a lot of people bought it, so Nixon and his team of busy admen/dirty tricksters figured out how to win. Trump is probably the most media-savvy Republican to run for president since Nixon.

Meanwhile, as long as the mainstream media keeps treating Trump's every tweet as breaking news, because it gooses ratings, he could win. It's as simple as that.

If Trump does win in November, don't be surprised when every Hillary-hating Bernie-or-Buster angrily denies having anything to do with putting a thin-skinned sociopath, a man who cheats at everything he does, in charge of the executive branch of our government.

 -- Art and words by F.T. Rea

-- 30 --

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Deeply Felt Religion, or Schizophrenia?

While searching for something on SLANTblog I came across this 12-year old grumble, written a couple of weeks before George W. Bush's reelection. As we all contemplate the upcoming election, maybe it's useful to remember when the electorate made a bad decision, in great part because the other guy was too boring. As with the 2000 election, in 2004 too many Democrats didn't feel motivated to support their party's nominee. 

When I did the Bush illustration (posted to the right) for Richmond.com in 2000, I remember wanting to depict his smug lack of curiosity in his expression.
SLANTblog: October 24, 2004:
Now 350 tons of explosives, give-or-take a ka-plooey, have turned up missing in Iraq. The best guess is that the stuff was snatched in the early days of the American operation there, which is at 19 months and counting. Perhaps it's a good thing we didn't find any WMDs, because the local hoodlums would probably have stolen them, too.

Which leads to a cold question that should be considered in the hours leading up to the election: Since he took office, what the hell has George Bush done right?

For a man who campaigned as "a uniter, NOT a divider," as "a compassionate conservative," and to be a president who would not use American troops in arrogant missions of "nation-building," how does today's unvarnished reality jibe with Dubya's 2000 campaign promises?

Uh, oh, there I go again -- I was thinking in a pre-9/11 fashion. According to the Bush post-9/11 gospel, asking awkward questions of the Commander in Chief is frowned upon. Continuing with the flashback theme, in 1998, when Bill Clinton bombed Osama bin Laden's camp in Afghanistan, the same Republicans now blaming poor Slick Willie for 9/11 were branding his effort to strike at al Qaeda as a mere distraction from the then-all-overshadowing Lewinsky scandal investigation.

However, without blaming Bush for 9/11 it is possible to criticize his reactions to it. His administration has used fear like a monkey wrench to grab power so shamelessly that it has shocked the rest of the world. Furthermore, Bush's 2000 campaign promise to govern in such a way as to heal the divisions was pure baloney. So, too, was Bush's alleged compassion; his signature education program has fizzled -- the tax-cut agenda won out.

Bush's so-called "conservatism" is counterfeit, too; let's face it, he's breaking the bank with his spending. And, other than "nation-building" what would you call the on-going operation in Iraq? OK, maybe "failed-nation-building" is more on the money.

George Bush is the most dangerous president of modern times. He's off the chart! Bush's neoconservative advisers see unfettered corporate capitalism as a sort of new-style religion to be spread by their armed missionaries to enlighten the backward masses of the Middle East.

It says here Bush's twisted policies and outright incompetence are making the world, including the USA, more dangerous every day. That while tough-talking Dubya claims God speaks to him directly about what to do in Iraq.

Uh, oh!
What would you call that sort of claim? Deeply felt religion, or schizophrenia?
-- 30 --

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Democrats May Have Found Their Landslide Mojo

Up until the Democrats staged their overnight Sit-In on June-23-24, led by Rep. John Lewis (D-GA), the party was anything but united. Maybe the best thing Team Donkey had going for it this election year was the GOP's bizarre primary race. 

And, of course, what the process delivered -- the most mock-worthy presumptive nominee anybody has ever seen. 

Still, even if Donald Trump makes it impossible for 75 percent of the electorate to vote for him, having Hillary Clinton in the White House -- while the do-nothing Republicans continue to hold both houses of Congress! -- wasn't a scenario that seemed to be energizing a lot of Democrats.

Turnout looked like it might be a problem. Now that may have all changed -- the Democratic Party may have just found its landslide mojo.

The occupation of the floor of the House by an ad hoc group of Democrats worked like a charm. I watched several hours of the June 23-24 occupation on C-SPAN. The spirit of what was happening was uplifting for me.

Now that same occupation tactic should be taken to other venues. (Imagine a sudden occupation that fills up Capitol Square, or some other large public property.) This sort of movement focused on the gun issue could bring together the sometimes apathetic/disappointed Democrats better than any tactics being cooked up by the DNC's think tank.

It might also be what this country needs to break the spell. Break the grip the National Rifle Association has had on too many legislators. Massive demonstrations – sit-ins – in cities coast-to-coast would add an element of populism to this year's political races that could bring in new voters in droves. My guess is most of them would be Democrats, or at least independents.

An overwhelming majority of Americans appear to want change, and -- maybe! -- at long-last the NRA's ability to frame the issues is about to melt away like a drenched wicked witch.

The NRA's Wayne LaPierre (depicted above) melting into the floor is the image I'll leave you with. It's your reward for reading the whole piece.

-- Art and words by F.T. Rea

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Mondo Softball

Here's a flashback to a 1990 newspaper article that includes some Biograph Theatre history, as well as some softball nostalgia:
REA GIVES BIZARRE EDGE TO BLAB'S 'MONDO SOFTBALL'
Richmond News Leader
Date: 07-05-1990
Byline: Paul Woody

Years ago when Terry Rea was manager of the now defunct Biograph Theatre, he organized a softball team for the Fan League. But this wasn't just any team. This team had two illegal French aliens.
"One spoke no English at all," Rea said. "Neither had ever seen a baseball game. But they went out to a yard sale, found some funky `50s uniforms and they were a laugh riot."The Biograph team also had a life-size, cardboard figure of Mr. Natural, a comic-book character created by R. Crumb of Zap Comics. Rea and his teammates took Mr. Natural to every game. They would carry him onto the field and chant to him.

"Some thought it was funny," Rea said. "Some thought we were mocking them. Some thought we were mocking the game."


All Rea was trying to do was enjoy a little softball and make the team and the league, "a rolling comedy show," he said. "I'm not sure everybody on the team was 100 percent behind me on that."


Rea began playing softball in 1976, but now, at the age of 42, he's in semi-retirement.


"I try in the offseason to lower my expectations, but I'm losing my game faster than I can lower my expectations," Rea said. "That drives everyone out of the game except the most fanatic."


Rea, however, is hardly done with softball. In fact, he may be contributing more to the game than he ever did as a player. Rea, a freelance graphic artist by trade, is the originator, host and creative force behind "Mondo Softball," a weekly, one-hour talk and call-in show seen Tuesday nights at 9 o'clock on BLAB-TV (Continental Ch. 7, Storer Ch. 8).


Mondo is Italian for "world." Rea took it from the drive-in movies of his youth that were all the rage.


"There were a bunch of `Mondo' films," Rea said. "Then, you started to see it thrown in front of almost anything to give it a bizarre connotation. People just know it has some sort of bizarre edge to it.


"And, of course, I'm using that."


Rea isn't the host of "Mondo Softball."


The host is Mutt deVille, a man of mysterious origin who always wears a baseball cap, sunglasses and softball jersey. Mutt deVille is Rea's alter ego. Mutt deVille was created by Rea as a pen name for the sports writer in Slant, the twice-monthly newsletter of commentary that Rea publishes, writes and edits.


DeVille initially existed to give some diversity to the pages of Slant, "and to create the illusion there was a staff of writers," Rea said. But the more Rea wrote as deVille, the more he liked it.


"My name, and my approach to things, like anyone who stays in his hometown long enough, carries a certain amount of baggage with it," Rea said. "I could move more freely as Mutt deVille.


"When I decided to do a show and it was a sports show, it seemed like a good idea to use Mutt. That led to the idea that Mutt should become a character and the time I was on camera should be a performance. Mutt is a device to make me feel at ease on stage."


"Mondo Softball" is not like any other show you'll see on BLAB. It's a one-hour play, softball as kitsch. It's part news -- standings, results and tournament highlights provided by Paul Joyce, the `field' reporter and a veteran local player -- part conversation with a guest, questions from callers and wisecracks, subtle humor and outright gags whenever possible. It's clever, and it's as entertaining as a show on recreational softball can be.


Rea said he has borrowed from shows he's seen. From the "Tonight Show," Rea took the idea that Johnny Carson is at his best and funniest when things go wrong.


"Part of live TV is that there are a lot of glitches," Rea said. "I've tried to incorporate the production values of an old `50s sci-fi movie and try to go with whatever goes wrong."


Each week, there is a great uproar over the magic word. If a caller says the word, he or she receives a $20 gift certificate from a local restaurant. The magic word is straight out of "You Bet Your Life" with the late Groucho Marx. In that show, it was called the secret word.


"If you're going to steal, steal from the best," Rea said.


Part of the attraction of "Mondo Softball" is that you can never be sure what will happen next.


"I think some people watch shows on BLAB just to see if the set will fall over," Rea said.


Rea brings a unique element of surprise to the screen. He isn't afraid to take a chance or play a little joke. When he was manager of the Biograph, a repertory theatre located near Virginia Commonwealth University, Rea once offered free admission to "The Devil and Miss Jones."


The line for the show, which most believed to be a well-known X-rated movie, stretched around the 800 block of West Grace Street. But the X-rated movie was "The Devil in Miss Jones." "The Devil and Miss Jones" was a 1941 comedy.


"Most people thought it was funny," Rea said. "But you always have some who get mad about something like that."


"Mondo Softball" has something of the same problem. Hard-core softball players don't always appreciate Rea's attempts at humor.


"I've heard some don't like Mutt's approach," Rea said. "But that's the reason Paul is there. Overall, though, the reaction I get is that they (the hardcore players) like Mutt."


BLAB-TV likes Mutt so much that another show already is in the works. "Mondo Pops," covering everything from sports to who knows what will premier this fall. It should be an interesting experience. Who knows, maybe even Mr. Natural will make an appearance.
*
The next show on BLAB-TV was called Mondo City. My first guests on the new program, which combined sports and other pop culture elements, were a couple of guys from GWAR. That's a story for another day.

Monday, June 20, 2016

The Birth of the Blockbuster: Or How Margot Kidder Made My Day

The movie business changed during the summer of 1975. A new style of creating, promoting and exhibiting feature films was established when “Jaws” opened in 465 theaters and became a box office smash.

Typically, in those days, major releases opened initially in the most popular movie houses in a handful of large cities. Which meant the advertising buys were all local. The unprecedented marketing strategy for “Jaws” required enormous confidence. Its distributor, Universal, had to spend millions on national advertising and strike enough prints of the film to serve all of the theaters playing the film. 

Before that summer was over “Jaws” had already broken all-time Hollywood box office records.

Washington D.C. was a regional hub for film distribution. Part of the strategy for releasing “Jaws” was that Universal chose not to screen the film for bookers and exhibitors in the usual way.

Ordinarily, a feature about to be released would be shown a couple of times in a small screening room downtown. Run by the National Association of Theater Owners, it seated about 50 people. Bookers for theater chains would see the new films to help them weigh how much money should be bid for the rights to exhibit the picture in a given market. But security on admission wasn't all that tight, so any industry insider, entertainment writer, etc. might have been in the audience on a given day.

At this time I managed the Biograph Theatre on Grace Street in Richmond. My bosses were located in Georgetown and I saw several movies in the DC screening room over the nearly-12 years I worked for the guys who oversaw the Biograph on "M" Street.

The prior-to-premiere screenings of “Jaws” took place a few weeks before it was to open. It was shown to theater owners and their guests in selected cinemas in maybe a dozen cities. As I remember it, the screenings were all on the same night.

As a treat my bosses gave me four of their allotment of tickets to the special screening of “Jaws” at the old Ontario in DC. My ex, Valerie, and I were part of a full house; the show itself went over like gangbusters. The audience shrieked at appropriate times and applauded as the movie’s closing credits were lighting up the screen.

Not only was I knocked out by the presentation, I came back to Richmond convinced “Jaws” would be a gold mine. It was the slickest monster movie I’d even seen. The next day, still caught up in that mania, I tried to talk my bosses into borrowing a lot of money to support a bid on “Jaws” that would include a substantial cash advance.

That summer I wanted to bet everything we could borrow to out-bid Neighborhood Theatres for the Richmond market. I even convinced a neighborhood branch bank manager to try to help us borrow the dough.

Well, we didn’t get the money, but it was privately satisfying seeing “Jaws” open on June 20, 1975, and go on to set new records for its box office grosses. Its unprecedented success put its director, Steven Spielberg, on the map.

After “Jaws” Hollywood hustlers aplenty rushed out to try to duplicate the formula its producers and distributors had used. Thus, in 1975, the age of summer blockbusters with massive ad campaigns and widespread releases began.

Another thing “Jaws” did was make young men who were sometimes too self-absorbed, like me, feel intimidated by Spielberg’s outrageous success at such a tender age. I can still remember reading that he was younger than me.

Although I had a great job for a 27-year-old movie-lover who liked to work without a lot of supervision, it offered no direct connection to filmmaking. At this time I had one nine-minute film and one 30-second television commercial, both shot in 16mm, to my credit. 1975’s Boy Wonder, Steven Spielberg, made me feel like I was on the wrong track. That might have been the first time I gave much thought to how and when to leave the Biograph.

Fast-forward 34 years to when I watched a BBC-produced documentary, “Easy Riders, Raging Bulls: How the Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll Generation Saved Hollywood,” about filmmaking in the ‘60s and ‘70s.  Directors and other players from that time were interviewed. Made in 2003, it was thoroughly entertaining. I saw it on Turner Movie Classics in 2009.

Among those who made comments in the documentary were Tony Bill, Karen Black, Peter Bogdanovich, Roger Corman, Richard Dreyfuss, Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, László Kovács, Kris Kristofferson, Arthur Penn and Cybill Shepherd.

Dreyfuss, who was one of the stars of "Jaws," spoke of attending one of those pre-release screenings. He said he got caught up in the experience of seeing it for the first time in a crowded theater; he totally forgot himself as the actor on the screen.

Actress Margot Kidder (best known for her Lois Lane portrayals in the Superman series of movies) appeared on camera several times. She made a joke out of how Spielberg had begun to fib about his age, once he became famous. She had known him before his sudden notoriety, so she noticed it when he went from being older than her to being younger. Kidder claimed Spielberg was fudging his birth date by a couple of years.

Well, flashing back on my absurd jealousy to do with Spielberg’s rise to stardom, when he was supposedly younger than me, I had to laugh out loud. Then I looked up Spielberg’s age; he’s older than both Margot and me.

So, I searched for more on the age-change and found some old articles about “Jaws” and Spielberg. Yes, it looks like Kidder was right. Back in the ‘70s, perhaps to play up the Boy Wonder aspect of the story, Spielberg’s birth date was being massaged. Somewhere along the line, since then, it looks like it got straightened out.

Laughing at one’s own foolishness is usually a healthy exercise. Yes, and when the laugh had been waiting over three decades to be realized, it was all the sweeter.

After all, nothing has ever been more integral to Hollywood’s special way of doing business -- before or after “Jaws” -- than making up fibs, especially about one’s age.

*   *   *